My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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