allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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