I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
