I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
