He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
