i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
