Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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