Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
