you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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