Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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