Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
