Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
