Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
