Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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