mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize