yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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