just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
