at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
