I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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