take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
