hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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