so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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