That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
