My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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