yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
