My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
