Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
