You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
