I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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