Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
