i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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