Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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