She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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