covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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