Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
