I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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