my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
