Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
