I hate all girls vehemently.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
