It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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