I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
