And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
