ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
