I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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