That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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