great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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