Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
