I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
