she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
