wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
