yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
