Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
