hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
