I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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